Awkward Family Photos of Binge Eating Nazi Zombies

One of the more entertaining aspects of maintaining a blog is the internet’s seemingly random treatment of keywords and phrases for the purpose of search engines world-wide. A lot of inquiring people find my site unsuspectingly because Google algorithms threw them a strange bone that seemed to fit their needs.

When I first did a post like this last year, I learned that some of these anonymous searchers have a dark and disturbing side (IE “Rastafarian Polygamous Women).

If you’re a WordPress User, from you’re Dashboard you should be able to go to “Site Stats” and click the “Summaries” tab under “Search Engine Terms.” This will show what random internet lurkers typed in to a search engine to find your site the past year or so.

Here are a few interesting search tidbits from my top-secret Summaries (X)-file.

“Awkward Family Christmas Photo”

By far this is the most searched for item on the list. Hundreds of folks have found “Chief of the Least” through this term or some close variation to it. I hope they get a chuckle out of my family’s awkwardness on their way to the actual website they were probably looking for. If you want to see what I look like in a ladies discounted Christmas sweater vest from KMART, give this link a peek.

“zombie apocalypse survival kit”

With the Walking Dead/Nazi Zombie craze befalling our culture, many a concerned conspiracy theorists have perused the net for surefire ways of end times preparation. At my blog, they found instead a tounge in cheek post that poked a little fun at them. But seriously, don’t come a knockin’ when the undead masses come pawin’ through your neighborhood; I only have enough freeze-dried food, shot-gun ammo, and room in my bomb shelter for my immediate family.

“music lyrics pertaining to binge eating”

I can’t off the cuff think of any popular music lyrics that may intimate binge eating. But I did do a pretty disgusting post a while back that included “binge eating” and “music” in the title. The SEO gods may have also discovered and matched the words with my “Thanksgiving Gluttony Repentance” post this past year too.

So I’m a recovering binge eater. Now you know.

“ernest scared stupid satanism”

I make no qualms about “Ernest Scared Stupid” being one of the scariest movies of my childhood (only slightly behind “Event Horizon”). My mom ignored the PG-13 rating and brought her innocent formative 8-year-old son to the horror movie of the century. I was clearly scarred. But it never occurred to me that Ernest the lovable buffoon and the nasty goblins that chased him may have satanic roots. If memory serves me correctly, the way that army of demonic monsters was defeated was with organic milk and affectionate hugs.

Satanism solved.

Peeps! I’m curious about what unique search terms you may have found in your dusty stats records. Share away in the comments.

Peace and grace,

Bryan Daniels

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Author: Bryan Daniels

I am a follower of Jesus, a husband to Jessica, and a father of three boys: Josiah, Gideon and Judah. I teach high school math as a job, read reformed theology as a hobby, and write this blog just for kicks. With the rest of my time I coach football and track.

27 thoughts on “Awkward Family Photos of Binge Eating Nazi Zombies”

  1. Hey Chief, does this mean I can use tags like, binge eaters, zombies, and stupid satanism to get more blog viewers? :>) :>) :>) Enjoyed this post from my sabbatically insulated perch on my patio! God bless.

  2. Ha ha ha!! There’s a long list of them in mine, but the only one that looks strange over the past 30 days is “rat and cat romantic”. LOL…I guess because of my Kitty Cat poem and the picture I put of a cat chasing a rat. The rest of mine are pretty boring. Yours made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚

  3. Bryan,
    Nothing as interesting or dramatic as some of your searches, but here are a couple of mine:
    – mission and vision of kindness to plants
    – cartoon tree with roots
    Like Steven mentioned above, I might have to start using more random tags to attract more followers… πŸ™‚

    1. Your searches make you sound like a tree hugger Chris! I can’t tell you if random tags work or not, from what I’ve read article “titles” are what hold the most weight for search engines!

  4. Once in a while I get people searching for porn through a variety of phrases and I am glad that they actually click on my articles which are sexual purity minded, because they can obviously tell from the post titles that it is not what they were googling for. One interesting incident that made me glad I had reblogged a post was when someone searched “how to file for divorce” and they clicked on my post of an excerpt from John Piper on staying married. When I performed the same search in google, mine was the only positive article on the first few pages, all the others were in fact about instructing someone on getting a divorce. Sometimes our posts may be the only ones with positive options to offer among the millions of secular posts out there.

  5. I totally agree. Back in January I did one of my daily devotionals entitled Zombie Apocalypse. It has taken off on Google and there are days now that it gets more hits than my daily devotional. I am glad it has a strong Biblical content. I am still baffled though. If you figure it out let me know!

  6. I have a couple: kangaroo hopping down the main street; roman reading a newspaper; stok man recycle; dug grave. I just wonder if they got satisfaction from their searches.

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