Awkward Family Photos of Binge Eating Nazi Zombies

One of the more entertaining aspects of maintaining a blog is the internet’s seemingly random treatment of keywords and phrases for the purpose of search engines world-wide. A lot of inquiring people find my site unsuspectingly because Google algorithms threw them a strange bone that seemed to fit their needs.

When I first did a post like this last year, I learned that some of these anonymous searchers have a dark and disturbing side (IE “Rastafarian Polygamous Women).

If you’re a WordPress User, from you’re Dashboard you should be able to go to “Site Stats” and click the “Summaries” tab under “Search Engine Terms.” This will show what random internet lurkers typed in to a search engine to find your site the past year or so.

Here are a few interesting search tidbits from my top-secret Summaries (X)-file.

“Awkward Family Christmas Photo”

By far this is the most searched for item on the list. Hundreds of folks have found “Chief of the Least” through this term or some close variation to it. I hope they get a chuckle out of my family’s awkwardness on their way to the actual website they were probably looking for. If you want to see what I look like in a ladies discounted Christmas sweater vest from KMART, give this link a peek.

“zombie apocalypse survival kit”

With the Walking Dead/Nazi Zombie craze befalling our culture, many a concerned conspiracy theorists have perused the net for surefire ways of end times preparation. At my blog, they found instead a tounge in cheek post that poked a little fun at them. But seriously, don’t come a knockin’ when the undead masses come pawin’ through your neighborhood; I only have enough freeze-dried food, shot-gun ammo, and room in my bomb shelter for my immediate family.

“music lyrics pertaining to binge eating”

I can’t off the cuff think of any popular music lyrics that may intimate binge eating. But I did do a pretty disgusting post a while back that included “binge eating” and “music” in the title. The SEO gods may have also discovered and matched the words with my “Thanksgiving Gluttony Repentance” post this past year too.

So I’m a recovering binge eater. Now you know.

“ernest scared stupid satanism”

I make no qualms about “Ernest Scared Stupid” being one of the scariest movies of my childhood (only slightly behind “Event Horizon”). My mom ignored the PG-13 rating and brought her innocent formative 8-year-old son to the horror movie of the century. I was clearly scarred. But it never occurred to me that Ernest the lovable buffoon and the nasty goblins that chased him may have satanic roots. If memory serves me correctly, the way that army of demonic monsters was defeated was with organic milk and affectionate hugs.

Satanism solved.

Peeps! I’m curious about what unique search terms you may have found in your dusty stats records. Share away in the comments.

Peace and grace,

Bryan Daniels

A New Year of Binge Eating, Great Music and the “Ekklesia”

Here’s three random musings from the year of 2011 thus far:

1.  My New Year’s diet was going along swimmingly until yesterday evening. My breakfast was low sugar oatmeal, an egg and water and no coffee. My lunch was an apple pecan salad with pomegranate dressing and plain grilled chicken sandwich. When dinner came around my stomach was racked with hunger pains and my head felt like it was being stabbed by an icepick (from the coffee withdrawals). After deliberation with my wife, I succumbed to CiCi’s and personally ate about 27 pizzas of astounding variety, a couple cinnamon rolls, and a brownie. I also started with a water but ended with a Pepsi. I only vaguely remember the meal now, for it was a warm gooey whirlwind of parmesan cheese, pineapple, barbecue and italian sausage.

Hello, my name is Bryan. And I am a binge eater.

On a positive note, the night did produce one crowning achievement for me. After the copious amounts of pizza and Pepsi intake I unleashed a burp that lasted for literally 14 seconds. It was a deep and guttural explosion of sorts. My wife said it made her want to both “cry and puke” at the same time. Awesome. 

2.  The word “church” in Scripture is “Ekklesia” in Greek. Now I am not a Greek scholar but it is a word with some far-reaching and striking implications. Ekklesia means literally “called out” or “called out to assembly”, which is exactly what every Christian is through Christ (1 Peter 2:9). The historical context of the word is also compelling.  Before the word had a theological meaning for the church it had a political meaning for ancient Greece:  

When the Greek city states found their governments had become too corrupt and oppressive, they would call for an ekklesia, an assembly outside the civil authority of the city. If enough people came out and refused to accept the existing centralized civil authority, that government would collapse. Non participation has been a successful and peaceful means to free mankind from oppressive civil authority throughout history.

 So when we are “called out” by Christ to join His church, we are being called to an assembly with ruling power and real authority. When sin and Satan have oppressed a city the “called out” are then called to use their weapons of the word, prayer and fasting. MUCH MORE could be said on this subject but I am too lazy to expand on it any further here; alas, you should do your own study on “Ekklesia.”

3.  I’m gaining a newfound respect for the musical talent of John Mark MacMillian. His voice is very rich, unique and a bit raw, but I would challenge anyone to find a better songwriter in the Christian music scene. The general levity of the CCM scene with its laments over “torn jeans” and vaguely Christian pop lyrics is a bit sickening. Macmillian’s song, “Death in His Grave,” has some of the most poetic and biblical lyrics I’ve heard put to music.  His song “How He Loves” (remade by the David Crowder Band) is both anthemic and worshipful. The story behind the lyrics is a touching reminder of redemption in tragedy.

It may be time we get out of the cultural Christian mainstream and find some of the unearthed gems giving a creative and authentic voice for the Lord.

Bryan Daniels