Why You Should (Maybe) Stay Single

Marriage is a beautiful covenant to be shared with your best friend and children are a blessing from the Lord.

In the Genesis account God creates Adam, the man, first and gives him the freedom to name and have dominion over the animals. When Adam is finished with this great task God turns back to him, the lone man, and creates the perfect woman to complement him, Eve. The account says the two lived “naked and unashamed.”

I don’t know exactly what type of marital bliss the two experienced with one another before the fall but the word “unashamed” assumes a few things: What they experienced as a couple was a guiltless, free, honest, open relationship void of any social constraint or embarrassed self-consciousness. Most importantly this was their posture with God before the inception of sin, total guiltlessness and free from the shame of sin. The Bible is not specific with how long the couple enjoyed this state, and in Genesis 3 we learn of a deceiver that comes in to their life to malign God’s word and destroy their covenant with one another. By their disobedience and taking Satan’s word over God’s the honeymoon comes to an abrupt end and sin’s children of shame, pain, and toil were birthed.

One point of interest is commonly overlooked here. The order of events in the Bible are not inconsequential. Look again at this: Satan did not begin his assault on Adam or Eve until they were a couple under the marriage covenant of God.

Now, I know singleness has its own unique set of challenges and insecurities. But a cursory look at the tabloids, facebook, shows, movies and music reveals a telling indictment on our culture. It’s one of our golden calves, an idol called ” the relationship.” It seems the only thing we fear more than death is loneliness. Everyone, unequivocally, wants to meet “the one.”

As the Genesis 3 account alludes, we run into a problem here. Marriage does not make life emotionally easier for the companionship seeker, in reality it makes life substantially harder. Satan’s greatest delight is in making the institution of marriage a deplorable scandal. If he does that he can also placard the covenant God has with his church in a similar manner (Ephesians 5).

Marriage is under attack, less in the political sense (to the chagrin of radio shock jocks), but rather in the more dangerous spiritual sense. It has always been under vicious attack from the very beginning.

The single person may have been “graced” by God with this singleness for a season. Again, marriage is a beautiful covenant to be shared with your best friend and children are a blessing from the Lord. But marriage is hard. Just as with Adam and Eve, Satan wants to destroy its participants. Men and women who are addicted to porn, facebook, call of duty, shopping and self in general need not apply.

It’s not a question of perfection, but rather projection: where are we going with our life and is Christ leading us there?

Men, if we can barely pay our own bills, have no savings, have an XBox addiction, live with our parents, know more about Steve Jobs than Jesus, and treat women like a hill to be conquered, DO NOT TRY TO GET MARRIED. I’m not saying God cannot purge you of those maladies while you’re married (because He has had to with me), I am saying it will be done with a lot more turmoil and heartache in the context of marriage. Those strongholds in our life don’t just magically dissipate with the signing of a marriage license. They die hard. 

With the prospect of marriage, you are saying you are ready to support financially, spiritually, and emotionally both a wife and children.

If we don’t have our life in some respectable order what makes us think we can add another needy soul (wife) or souls (children) to that mix without disastrous results? Multiply your current weaknesses by at least three when a child is added (as he should be in marriage) into the fray. Marriage with children is not for the faint of heart, it’s really another way to die to the flesh so your partner may flourish and Jesus be glorified.

Marriage is not for those with fanciful illusions of champagne and roses, it’s for those who wish to serve their “other” sacrificially the way Christ served the church. With forgiveness always outstretched even when the heart is wounded.

Twenty five year old Peter Pans with beards aren’t ready for it. Thank God for his grace and your singleness if that may be you.

Again don’t get me wrong:   

I am absolutely in love with my wife, Jessica, and our son, Josiah. Marriage is a beautiful covenant to be shared with your best friend and children are a blessing from the Lord. But before we start thinking seriously about it, let’s first put on our big boy pants (not those emo skinny jeans) and pry the Android out of our hands. Too much is at stake to do otherwise.

Bryan Daniels

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