Bad Lip Reading and Talking Animals…

A little bit of levity. Cause, doggone it, you deserve it.

My wife and I laughed pretty hard. If taken in small doses, there are some redeemable qualities about YouTube. If dubbed over football coaches and players don’t do it for you, maybe talking animals will:

If the animals don’t work then you seriously need a hug.

Immediately.

Walk up to the nearest random person in your purview and latch on. If things get weird tell them I sent you.

Peace and grace,

Bryan Daniels

Undeniable Evidence Of God from the Greatest Christian Apologist Ever

(Saw this shared on 22 words and had to reshare)

But seriously.  Miss me some Michael Scott. In my opinion, one of the most hilarious characters in modern television. He also has contributed the following thought-provoking philosophical/theological musings:

On Diversity:

Hi. I’m Michael Scott. I’m in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I’m also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.” And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

On Communism:

If this were Russia, yeah sure, everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block, and once you sat on her lap and she would ask you what you wanted and you would probably say freedom, at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.

On Leadership:

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

I’m friends with everybody in this office. We’re all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren’t dentist appointments, and that is when it’s nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

On Politics: 

I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it’s because they see me as one of them. But … cooler and with my life put together a little bit more. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes. There would be no war. There would be no… government, and… things could get terrible. And actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea then a serious suggestion.

On Money:

Yes. Money has been a little bit tight lately, but at the end of my life, when I’m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I’m gonna be thinking about how many friends I have and my children and my comedy albums.

Misc:

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious

Bryan Daniels

Chief of Least Twitter Year-In-Review

A short journal of the year that was for me in pithy sarcastic 140-characters-or-less tweets. As you can see, I can rarely be taken seriously within the bounds of Twitterland. If you can handle the random cheese, follow me up:

Bryan Daniels

Is Punching Cats The Cure For Manboobs? The Internetz knows….

(Please don’t take any of this seriously)

People are delightfully weird.

I appreciate this.

Because deep down, so am I (as my wife can attest).

Every few months I peruse the “search terms” tab in my dashboard for the sheer enjoyment of basking in other people’s quirky internet search items. For the record, the overwhelming way most people find “Chief of the Least” using the mysterious algorithms of SEO is by looking for “awkward christmas photos.”

Supposed internet anonymity brings out the latent weirdness in folks.

As pointed out in a previous post, many people come to my neck o’ the internet through searching “Rastafarian Polygamous women.” Somehow a post I wrote on Mormonism and a separate post that mentions Rasta music got hopelessly intertwined as they traversed the high-speed internet. I’m sure some Bob Marley lovin’ stoner with a sexual addiction was displeased when he found my blog.

Here are some more recent search term gems I’ve dug up for your pleasure:

“p90x insanity manboobs”

I’ve done both “Insanity” and “P90x” workouts in past. Both regimes have their positives, but I can’t really say either combats the serious heart breaking condition of gynecomastia. The most unfortunate phrase for those suffering from this disease is: “Pool Party!” Seriously, the best anecdote is to eat healthy, stay physically active on a daily basis, and find a girl who likes you for you.

“purple haired lady in old testament”

I don’t recall ever studying a purple haired prophetess in Sunday School. Pretty sure I mentioned a notable TBN female character’s, er, “hair extensions”, during a post about an Old Testament prophet. Who knows: Joseph’s coat of many colors could very well be a foreshadowing of some modern Christian TV personality’s mane of many colors.

“cat punch”

I’m not gonna lie. I have fought the urge to punch a cat before. But I don’t think I’ve ever divulged that information to anymore. Except now. They’re so self-assured. So laid back. So bored with you. And at the same time in a feline fit of rage they may unexpectantly maul the living crap out of your ankles. No thanks.

I’m curious what gems you dug up from the dusty recesses of your dashboard? Do share.*

Bryan Daniels

*Please keep it family friendly as possible…

Levity For The Weekend: Official Worship Signals

I’ve seen this snazzy little hilarious diagram floatin’ around the internetz this past week. For context: I grew up in a traditional Baptist church, currently attend a charismatic Methodist church body, and I follow the ministries of many Reformed Presbyterian guys. For reasons I may explain in another post, I loosely consider myself a “charismatic with a seat-belt.” I have seen, or can empathize with, all the “worship signals” in this model. I got a chuckle out of the Baptist warning at the bottom.

These signals are all courtesy of the brilliant comedic mind of Tim Hawkins. Here is my favorite skit of his. It’s a classic in my book:

Other body signals I have witnessed in my respective worship experiences: The Gaither family toe tap (has been known to cause turf toe in Southern Baptists). The reverse Running Man Pentecostal jig (has been known to be 2 Legit 2 Quit). The psych ward charismatic body rock (has been known to get you admitted to Shutter Island). One of my personal favorites is the massive youth conference Simon-Says-Standup game that happens after the first person leaves their seat during the beginning of a worship song.

Am I missing any pertinent motions you’d like to share?

I won’t be posting the next couple of days. With out-of-town friends visiting for the weekend, an all day away high school track meet Saturday, and Sunday worship and family time, I’ll see you peeps sometime next week!

God bless you and keep you til then…and don’t forget Sunday morning to:

Lift your hands in the sanctuary and praise the Lord. (Psalm 134:2)

Bryan Daniels

Random Funny Stuff from Doghouse Diaries

The following two gems come courtesy of the sharp witted guys at “Dog House Diaries.” Thanks guys. Now I can add your site to the growing list that is killing any semblance of productivity in my life.
Hope you enjoy.
I don't know why they can't line up the buttons right on these things

 

And I believe there is some credence to this Interviewing philosophy…