“Aren’t You Glad You Don’t Have A Daughter?” And the “Boys Will Be Boys” Fallacy

 

A lamentable piece of juicy gossip is making the rounds of our little big town. The students of my school are abuzz about a former fellow female student who is making national news for the wrong reasons. I won’t divulge the situation’s specifics as the exploitation of it locally has already reached an unnecessary height.

But one of my female students asked me a question yesterday that struck me as a regrettable microcosm of current youth culture. After a brief mention of some of the unfortunate details she asked,

“Coach Daniels, aren’t you glad you don’t have a daughter?”

To which I replied “No,” and quickly changed the subject to more school appropriate matters.

But I had to force back down a latent rant I had rising up in my chest cavity (which shall be spewed upon you now):

Why do we only typically single out the young girl? In this incident there were others involved of the opposite sex, and their actions were every bit as shameful (I say more so as supposed young “men”) as hers. We have an unspoken bias in our culture against adolescent girls who act in appalling or loose ways against their family or church upbringing. Yet when adolescent boys violate their conscience and code we kind of shrug and wink at it and say

Well, boys will be boys,” or

“You know boys are just wired differently.”

Like we need to chastity belt the little girl until she’s 35 and yet we give the little bugger a long leash to work out his newfound testosterone. That’s dumb.

And we feed the natural born predators within male nature by our omission as much as our commission. We’re only concerned when these boys become 18-30 year olds stuck in this perpetual adolescence. When they begin to encroach on mom and pop’s retirement plans with their joblessness and credit card debt. What we have is this: Peter Pans with beards and a mean streak of sociopathy. Weak little boys will invariably end up feasting on the weaknesses of women.

These boys have conflated their masculinity with machismo.

And we’ve enabled them.

I will try not do this with my sons. They better, to the best of their God given ability, learn to protect and provide and lead women with gentle strength and most of all: respect. I’ll do my God given best to model this with their mother, albeit imperfectly. But they’ll know their position of strength as a man should be used to serve the weaker among them.

Mostly I’ll try to point to another man. The perfect man. The One who treats His bride the way every woman really wants to be treated (Ephesians 5:25-32)

To protect the abused.

Heal the wounded.

Pick up the broken pieces.

Physically or emotionally. To make the most insecure women feel valued inwardly as the souls they are, not just as the bodies they offer.

To answer my student’s question directly: It should be just as fearful a responsibility to raise up sons as daughters. The fleshly whims of pseudo men are largely responsible for the damaged modern female psyche. The godly leadership of real men will largely repair and restore the flourishing woman in every little girl.

God help us raise up men and women who have submitted to the One perfect Man. And may they realize they can always return to His open gracious arms. No matter the public shame, guilt, and shock attached to what they’ve done. Sons and daughters will return to the family table.

This man will never reject them (John 6:37).

Bryan Daniels

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Author: Bryan Daniels

I am a follower of Jesus, a husband to Jessica, and a father of three boys: Josiah, Gideon and Judah. I teach high school math as a job, read reformed theology as a hobby, and write this blog just for kicks. With the rest of my time I coach football and track.

13 thoughts on ““Aren’t You Glad You Don’t Have A Daughter?” And the “Boys Will Be Boys” Fallacy”

  1. So very true, even as a non Christian when I was young I was brought up to respect women, modern culture seems to have moved away from this the more we have equality the less respect we seem to have.

  2. I can’t even begin to explain how meaningful this is…particularly coming from a man. I have actually never seen a man call others out on the “machismo” and the “boys will be boys” attitude you mention. Never. Not in public, anyway. Who better for teens and Tweens to model after than an honorable man who points them toward the most noble Man of all? Thank you. Seriously.

  3. Well I must say you have done an excellent job so far. Joey is very protective of Gracie and is extremely gentle and sweet with her!

  4. Very well stated. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Parents are equally responsible to raise their sons and daughters to have Godly virtues and learn how to respect the opposite sex.

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