Is Punching Cats The Cure For Manboobs? The Internetz knows….

(Please don’t take any of this seriously)

People are delightfully weird.

I appreciate this.

Because deep down, so am I (as my wife can attest).

Every few months I peruse the “search terms” tab in my dashboard for the sheer enjoyment of basking in other people’s quirky internet search items. For the record, the overwhelming way most people find “Chief of the Least” using the mysterious algorithms of SEO is by looking for “awkward christmas photos.”

Supposed internet anonymity brings out the latent weirdness in folks.

As pointed out in a previous post, many people come to my neck o’ the internet through searching “Rastafarian Polygamous women.” Somehow a post I wrote on Mormonism and a separate post that mentions Rasta music got hopelessly intertwined as they traversed the high-speed internet. I’m sure some Bob Marley lovin’ stoner with a sexual addiction was displeased when he found my blog.

Here are some more recent search term gems I’ve dug up for your pleasure:

“p90x insanity manboobs”

I’ve done both “Insanity” and “P90x” workouts in past. Both regimes have their positives, but I can’t really say either combats the serious heart breaking condition of gynecomastia. The most unfortunate phrase for those suffering from this disease is: “Pool Party!” Seriously, the best anecdote is to eat healthy, stay physically active on a daily basis, and find a girl who likes you for you.

“purple haired lady in old testament”

I don’t recall ever studying a purple haired prophetess in Sunday School. Pretty sure I mentioned a notable TBN female character’s, er, “hair extensions”, during a post about an Old Testament prophet. Who knows: Joseph’s coat of many colors could very well be a foreshadowing of some modern Christian TV personality’s mane of many colors.

“cat punch”

I’m not gonna lie. I have fought the urge to punch a cat before. But I don’t think I’ve ever divulged that information to anymore. Except now. They’re so self-assured. So laid back. So bored with you. And at the same time in a feline fit of rage they may unexpectantly maul the living crap out of your ankles. No thanks.

I’m curious what gems you dug up from the dusty recesses of your dashboard? Do share.*

Bryan Daniels

*Please keep it family friendly as possible…

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Author: Bryan Daniels

I am a follower of Jesus, a husband to Jessica, and a father of three boys: Josiah, Gideon and Judah. I teach high school math as a job, read reformed theology as a hobby, and write this blog just for kicks. With the rest of my time I coach football and track.

17 thoughts on “Is Punching Cats The Cure For Manboobs? The Internetz knows….”

  1. Most of my traffic comes indirectly courtesy of my musician uncle who plays in Emmylou Harris’ current band. Apparently people search for her a lot.

    Oddly enough, I was planning on blogging about this very same topic (different specifics, though) over at the Jenn Stories . . . so don’t think I’m copying you! Some of my favourites have been “i did wear a sari until I went to a wedding” (really curious as to the story behind that one) and “snake skeleton” and “my roommate makes smelly food.”

  2. I once posted the Peanuts cartoon that shows Charlie Brown and Schroeder telling a shivering Snoopy, “Be of good cheer,” but doing nothing to warm him. I get a hit from a search looking for “be of good cheer Snoopy” almost every day. But the strangest one I’ve seen is the day someone found my blog searching for “what beatitude goes with in vitro fertilization.” I still haven’t figure that one out.

  3. some of mine include:

    “truth seekers of the matrix”
    “here comes honey boo boo”
    “alien easter bunny”
    “easter sunday and aliens”
    “man zone must have”
    “help me obi wan kenobi you’re my only hope”
    “jock itch in relation to circumcision”
    “your wife will like you better circumcised”
    “i had a conversation with satan about the mark of the beast”
    “where in catholic bible is the story of the white buffalo?”
    AND THE MOST CREEPY OF ALL
    “do you get to pick who you choose for your blood sacrafice”

  4. Yeah…cats are good. I miss mine. I could not keep the poor half starved stray that followed me home one dark night. Although that was only realized after two weeks of constant sneezing and irritable eyes let alone the copious amounts of freeflowing mucas from my piss pot alarm system; nose. But a glory of God’s hands none the less.

  5. My biggest draw is safety pins. I ranted about dry cleaners changing to plastic doohickeys instead of safety pins, which meant I was going to be forced to buy my own safety pins. It was a throwaway piece I wrote when I stumped for real material. Now I’m stuck with it. (pun intended!)

  6. I’m inspired to check mine out now. I did, awhile ago, and found. “Archangel Porn.” That kind of freaked me out. Who looks for Archangel porn? I did mention Michael, the archangel…and well. Holly Michael is also a porn star’s name…so…hmmm

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