“I Can’t Hug Every Cat”-And Why Some People Should Probably Stay Single

I’m not much of a cat person.

Our only pet cat was an “outside” calico breed named Tramp. She was the neighborhood pet bully, backhanding all rival puppies and felines off our property line. Tramp frequently left a sacrificial squirrel or blue jay offering on our back deck too. I steered clear of her, if you endeavored to pet her you may be given a cute purr or an ankle mauling in return.

Giving Tramp affection was like playing Russian roulette. Cats are unpredictable little beasts. They would probably eat their owner alive if they were a more delectable hobbit size.

I’ve heard the distinction between cats and dogs put in theological terms: Cats say, “You love me, you feed me, you take care of all my needs; I must be God.” Dogs say, “You love me, you feed me, you take care of all my needs; You must be God.”

The lady in the above vid is a cat lover. I mean an OCD, future hoarding, cat lover of epic proportions. This “get to know you” vid was jacked from her Eharmony profile, songified, and put to a catchy tune. This is case in point why some people should probably stay single.

If your single utmost passion in life is to “hug every cat” in the world, God may have granted you the spiritual gift of celibacy.

But you never know. If you are a man who comes undone over cats in bowties, cats on rainbows, and cats rollicking around on your bed with you….this cat lady may be the one!

But seriously, I hope this woman finds a way to channel this intense compassion in a way that is truly life valuing, God honoring, and not so…weird. Because, after all, there are some serious heart rending issues out there worth weeping over.

Bryan Daniels


Author: Bryan Daniels

I am a follower of Jesus, a husband to Jessica, and a father of three boys: Josiah, Gideon and Judah. I teach high school math as a job, read reformed theology as a hobby, and write this blog just for kicks. With the rest of my time I coach football and track.

6 thoughts on ““I Can’t Hug Every Cat”-And Why Some People Should Probably Stay Single”

  1. Dear Coach,

    Again you totally crack me up. Let the single guys out there be advised that the whole topic of “cats” is a great litmus test for any bonafide relationship prospect. Simply by bringing up the subject, even the most casual listener (which is what most guys on dates are), many “cat-centric” ladies will immediately be outed. At that point, a good tactic might be to excuse yourself from the table and flee, leaving no trace behind. This may seem rude, but cat ladies and stalking often go hand in hand.

    Now back to my 2010 tax return.

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